Dear, gentle reader I am sorry, but I’m about to inflict something of a rant on you after a couple of very unpleasant dining experiences over the weekend. I will do my best not to offend, but if you are feeling a little fragile perhaps you’d be best to go and read a book for the next few moments.
We had a couple of meals out this weekend. The first was in celebration of a very dear friends significant birthday. He had been reluctant to celebrate, but I might have guilted coerced him just a little, with the result that a group of nine of us gathered on Friday at a suburban restaurant to observe the occasion. Although small, the restaurant in question has a well deserved reputation for great food and excellent service, so we were all looking forward to it. Unfortunately, what was to have been a pleasant celebration among old friends turned into an evening of misheard sentences as we, and almost everyone else in the restaurant, struggled to hear dining conversations over the clamorous gabfest and insistent braying of one table of six.
This unfortunate experience was repeated for us on Saturday evening when we took our daughter out for another meal in one of our favourite Adelaide Hills restaurants in Hahndorf. This restaurant is even smaller than the first, divided into two quite small rooms but, once again, with a reputation for serving consistently great food in cosy, intimate surroundings. This time the undoing of our (and the other unfortunate couple in the room) evening was a table of eight whom I later found out had walked up from town during the day, following the Pioneer Womens Walk. This group of selfish, rude, boors completely drowned out any chance we might have had for a chat and we left (early, as did the other couple) with more information about their sex lives than we desired.
In both of these cases other diners were repeatedly – and futilely – turning their heads to stare at these rudely hollering louts, hoping that they might pick up on a few non-verbal messages. In the first instance my friends and I ate as quickly as we could and left without ordering desserts or coffee, not an ideal outcome for a small restaurant. On the following night we did the same, but I felt more sorry for the other young couple trapped in the same room as these oafs, for they appeared to be trying for a romantic dinner for two – they left immediately after their main courses too.
I guess what surprised me most about both these intrusive and self-absorbed groups of people was that they did not fall into the demographic that you might expect. Far from being brash and bold late teenagers or 20-somethings, these two separate groups were both way past using youth as an excuse for poor behaviour, all of them being somewhere around the 60ish age group.
In both cases these people intruded upon the privacy and comfort of others and ultimately caused some degree of loss of income for the restaurant owners. I really don’t want to sound like the fun police and no one begrudges others having a good time. I’m just as guilty as the next person of the odd loud burst of laughter or raucous remark, but to intrude on the pleasure of everyone else in a restaurant for the entire evening is just plain bad manners.
It’s quite difficult to know what to do to resolve a situation like this. We left abruptly, but that just made me feel bad for the proprietors. What would you have done, dear reader?
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Perhaps if you’re regulars in both establishments, a word to the owners on what happened… they may be able to put larger/noisier parties in another area of the venue. I agree, though, it makes it very difficult and similarly, resolving the issue is a tough one too!
As a rule, Australians are not overly loud I’ve found. When I first moved to Melbourne I could tell when a table of Americans sat down. I learned that it has to do with how Americans talk – the physicality of it – their voices carry more because of it.
So maybe these folks just got back from an extended trip to the states and didn’t realise they were being really loud.
I’m not one to stand back and I think I would have had a quiet word with them and hopefully they wouldn’t throw a bottle of wine at me.
I’m sorry your celebrations were unpleasant – nobody likes memories like that.
I have a friend who I’m loath to go to dinner with as she has the loudest voice imaginable and tends to dominate the conversation for the entire evening.
I have shushed her a couple of times, but after a few wines, she’s oblivious to the stares from other tables and cross looks from her husband.
It’s awful, but at least our whole table isn’t as boorish, just the one person!
I’ve actually told someone to be quiet as I left a restaurant. I think I said, “You might want to remember that not everyone in this restaurant is interested in your conversation. It might be an idea to lower your voice in future.”
She looked rather gobsmacked, but a number of people at the table were smiling knowingly.
Your comfort and enjoyment is definitely the responsibility of the proprietors. If they are providing good service (in its full sense) then they should be aware of the other groups behaviour and done something about it. No need for you to have a word. So their lack of service resulted in diminishing your enjoyment and also hurting their revenue. Not good business all round.
Amanda, I think you have every right to say something. I was once in the restaurant of a very lovely and well known hotel in Adelaide. The owner happened to be in with the latest squeeze, who promptly lit up at their table. I went to the head waiter and quietly said that, yes, I knew who they were and, no, I wouldn’t tolerate someone smoking in a restaurant. He was clearly a bit uncomfortable, but also relieved that he was forced into action. The cigarette was put out and I smiled and thanked her. She scowled back!!
they must be the same people that my partner always encounters on the commuter trains – he said he couldn’t even read his book tonight because there was such a loud conversation going on.
Part of me wants to blame mobile phones for creating world where people don’t compartmentalise their lives into different behaviours (ie a restaurant is not your home – you need to be aware of others!) and part of me just feels really sad at the selfishness today – but I hope that your friend had some other good celebrations for his birthday and that the proprietors noticed the effect even if the loud tables didn’t.
It’s funny that one comment would assume the loud rude diners to be American. As an American I have eaten in hundreds of establishments and have had lovely, quiet, intimate dinners. It makes me sad to have an entire country labeled as loud. I think rude and loud behavior is rude no matter were you come from. Sorry your weekend dinner outings were so unpleasant. I hate to waste my hard earned money on something that wasn’t particularly fun.
I think alcohol fuels loudness and a lack of manners and this is what you have experienced. Very disappointing for you and I would just let the restaurant owners know that you loved the food but it was too loud in the room to be able to stay longer. Maybe they need to ‘quarantine’ larger groups in a separate area.
It’s just rotten when other people can stuff up a dining treat, it’s difficult but I think it’s reasonable to quietly mention to the owner to ask them to tone it down a touch.
We have been in similar situations in the past and my huz and I usually leave early. Not everyone in the Restuarant wants to know the minutiae of there daily lives and they should not foist their opinions on others.
However with advancing age comes Wisdom (albeit very slowly) and now I would ask the proprietor to request these brash customers ‘keep it down to a dull roar’ and if that doesn’t work then ask said customers to please leave.
You should have taken a photo of the worst offenders both times (I’m sure they wouldn’t have noticed) and posted on facebook! Adelaide’s a small place! Sorry that your nights were ruined.
Susan Otto – to be completely fair, the comment about Americans actually came from an American!
Kate – both of these restaurants are the “small & intimate” kind of place, with no spare room for rowdy guests to be partitioned.
Ann – I love your idea of a photo. Wish I’d thought of it!
I’m actually surprised that the manager didn’t ask the noisy diners to quiet down. It’s their business that suffers after all, and it can certainly be done nicely if worried about causing offence.
We saved to celebrate a special anniversary at Aria in Sydney. As we started entrees a couple sat at the next table and started a huge argument. We heard all about who was sleeping with the nanny and other dirty laundry. They did try and keep the noise down and only disturbed us as there was an empty table on the other side. Despite requesting a move further away, our evening and very expensive dinner wasn’t as fun as we had hoped. I think we should get a do-over, with dinner on the house! 🙂
I would have spoken to management to see if you could have been moved or they could have been hushed because after dropping a few hints as you did there’s not much else you can do apart from leave and that would have been a shame.
I’m not sure what I would have done. Most likely just sat there and hurried through my meal and whinged to my husband when we left.
We are always early diners which I think might help us miss noisy times in restaurants. Often we are the only ones there for a little while which is actually quite nice.
What boorish behaviour!! I think this would make a good morning talkback radio topic, maybe one Friday you could come on the 891 Morning program so the loudmouths out there might just get the message sent to them via the wonders of the wireless. How about that for an idea? PS love your blog and your article in the Indaily
Heard your story on the radio this morning and I can relate. There’s one restaurant I like – does free corkage on Monday nights so it’s guaranteed to be loud most Mondays. But other nights are usually quiet. They do have carpet on their floors.
For years I’ve watched restaurants – including on those tv shows – get poor reviews unless they have “atmosphere” which based on experience, I interpet as not being able to hear oneself think – due to loud music, or loud customers or hard surfaces or all of that.
And some hosts – would sit our table for two next to the loud hens night table of 10. when there was plenty of room to seat us further away.
What do I do? I don’t go back. I figure they’re aiming for “atmosphere” (noisy) so I don’t go back. I have tried talking to restaurant management in some places but they just look at me like I’m a big party pooper.
Interesting dilemma that I am sure we have all faced from time to time – so surprised the management didn’t nip this in the bud. I would have definitely asked my waiter to speak to the manager and let him handle it – and, then he has a real problem. Deciding who to please – you, or the noisy table. Either way, something would be done and you would know whether to go back. 🙂 I would definitely go that far, and if the management couldn’t handle the noise, then I would simply leave. I have a father who can hardly hear, and we choose quiet restaurants specifically to be able to have conversations.
🙂
V