Pantry Problems - An Invasion of Unwanted Guests

Holiday time is over for most of us – but not for the visitors who are seriously overstaying their welcome in my pantry.

Happy new year, dear reader – I hope the holidays were full of happiness and will reward you with pleasant memories for the months to come. Me, not so much.

I’ve been attempting some creative writing courses and one of the techniques suggested is automatic writing, where one arises at sparrow’s fart and spends 15 minutes writing whatever nonsense is in one’s head.

This is what fell from my fingertips this morning and, lest you think my life is one long round of boozy lunches and exotic junkets, I’ve decided to share a little of my day. A dose of ‘real life’ in the country.

(You might like to keep in mind the fact that we are currently on day four of a monstrous heatwave, and ponder on the ramifications inherent in this little situation.)

“As I wander blearily into the kitchen, the smell of dead mouse hits me, but I’m in no state to deal with that quite yet. I head straight for the kettle, getting my first cup of tea for the day organised, to fortify myself before entering my large, and currently very pongy, pantry.

Only after that do I open the pantry door, hearing, as I do, the tell-tale, vestigial scuffle of tiny mice feet fleeing from the light. I check the two traps that I set last night – only one of which has been sprung – and once again shuffle jars, and boxes around on the shelves as I search fruitlessly for an elusive ex-mouse.

Over the last day or two, one of my freeloaders has spontaneously crossed the great divide. I’ve been trying to find his soulless, wee corpse for a couple of days now, as his elusive lifelessness has been making my forays into the pantry most unpleasant.

I remove the sprung trap, and it’s small, stiff, grey occupant and yet again wonder how the little fuckers are getting in, and just how many of them there are. I’ve killed eight in the space of the last five days.

I wonder at their stealth. I never see them (except for the ones in trusty traps) but there must be entire communities of them in here, building families and social connections, sharing intelligence on which shelves are the most rewarding and slipping in between the cans and sealed containers that I’ve put almost all the comestibles into, in an obviously futile attempt to avoid just this scenario.

I also wonder what they’re living on. I’m pretty sure I’ve secured most food products in sturdy plastic containers, but discover that many of the spices that I’ve carelessly left in packets, rather than jars, have been raided. What looks like an intact pack on first glance, turns out to have a small corner nibbled away and much of the contents gone. I wonder just how much cinnamon a mouse can eat before it explodes in a fragrantly scented puff.

Making a mental note to buy more Tupperware containers, and a bigger spice holder, I reset the trap, put out the light and turn back to the kitchen – with the unpleasant smell of the evasive and still undiscovered tiny cadaver wafting along behind me.”

So there it is – the glamorous start to the day of a food blogger. Oh, and if you need advice on the most efficient mouse traps, I’m your girl.

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Comments

Margot

January 18, 2019 at 12:40 pm

I understand complete about those “cute” little furry things, perseverance is the name of the game. On the other hand the creative writing seems to have found a worthy subject ???????
Lorraine @ Not Quite Nigella

January 18, 2019 at 8:05 pm

Eeek!! That’s no good! I don’t think I’ve ever seen a mouse or rat but maybe they’re not as common in cities as cockroaches. I thought this might be about pantry moths, those horrible little creatures!
Amanda

January 19, 2019 at 8:30 am

I wish! I’d prefer moths to these smelly little buggers. We caught another one this morning!
Pauline

January 19, 2019 at 11:37 am

I enjoyed reading your very well written story about your mouse infestation. We have had the occasional mouse over the years but never anything like you have experienced. I would be in shock. I hope it will all be sorted very soon for you.Pauline
Beck @ Golden Pudding

January 20, 2019 at 9:45 am

We used to have mice regularly, and then we got a cat 🙂 Ours were actually worse in winter as I think they’d come indoors to avoid the cold.
Amanda

January 20, 2019 at 11:21 am

Thanks so much, Pauline!
Amanda

January 20, 2019 at 11:22 am

I’d dearly love to have a cat, but we have so many small native birds on the property, that I simply couldn’t bear the guilt.
Sally - My Custard Pie

January 21, 2019 at 8:54 pm

Not a good start to the day! I’m interested to hear how the automatic writing is going. Have considered doing it myself.
Amanda

January 22, 2019 at 8:29 am

Sally – I’ve done it a couple of times and have found it to be amazingly productive. I get up, make a cup of tea (of course) sit down, and write about whatever is in my head for 15 minutes.
Fiona Ryan

January 28, 2019 at 12:06 pm

Of course, when I saw this, I thought it was going to be about pantry moths. Bane of my existence. I see you have your own infestation problems though. Little buggers!